Day 196

Recap of 2010:-

January
- All packed to return home for good, who knew, that in less than a year, I was back to square one.
- Traveled to Taiwan.

February
- Chinese New Year - first family reunion with all members after 7 years :)
- Started driving again.

March
- Swamped with job searching and interviews.

April
- Made a huge mistake, a wrong decision, but managed to get out of it without much damage.
- Visited Singapore after 8 years.
- Started my first real job, met some new people, somehow, it feels like going back to school again.
- Survived a 4 day camp in the wilderness and some glitches.

May
- First time driving a crane.
- Dilemma: To stay or return here?

June
- Resigned my first job.
- Running around town to get my visa settled, packing and saying goodbye.
- Nearly got myself injured (killed) on a hiking trip.

July
- Started my second real job, one that sees me embarking on a new journey here.
- Adjusted to the idea of being back here, seeing the place and people, speaking the language that I never thought I would encounter again.

August
- Presented to a crowd of ~50 people on something I had no idea of.
- Traveled to Strasbourg.
- Decided that living together with strangers is not really my thing. Torn between higher rent and moving to the city.

September
- Am finally comfortable with people that I could call friends and to hang around with.
- Enjoyed time on my own.

October
- When you're left alone, you start to think a lot. Life, career and relationship - where do I stand now and where am I heading to? I still don't have the answers to it.

November
- The big move to my own apartment - am loving it still :)
- Traveled to London - somehow it didn't seem as exciting as before. Am I losing touch?
- Spent 2 weeks with mum, realized how much I yearn to have people around me.

December
- Disappointed how some things turned out, should I stop having hopes and start moving on?
- Traveled to Bologna.
- Quiet birthday, Christmas and New Year, somehow as you grow older, these things don't matter anymore.

A year full of uncertainties and unexpected events. Things are more stable now, yet I'm still unclear of where I'm heading to.

For 2011, all I want is to be happy and to have some clarity. Thank you.

Day 160

My mum has been staying with me for the past fortnight, which explains why there's a gap between my last post. Even though the temperatures have been plummeting for the last two weeks, the truth is, I've not felt warmer here since Day 1.

There's an indescribable joy and sense of belonging to know that there's someone at home to come back to after a long day's work, dinner laid on the table for you, but most importantly to know that that someone loves you for who you are, unconditionally.


Coming back to my apartment today after sending her off at the airport feels ... empty.

Once again, I'm reminded that this will never be my final destination, no matter how easy it is to fall into familiarity and complacency.

Day 144

Some updates:

1. I've finally moved. In fact, it has been 3 weeks now that I've settled in my new 'home' - and am loving every bit of it. No doubt it was the right decision to move out, ... but ah, will worry about the expense later on. :)

2. Will be spending my weekend in London - just the thought of the food, the familiar faces, and the shopping is making me excited already.

3. Will be flying back home in February - for a well deserved holiday!!!

Day 121

Lately, I think that I've become more needy. At times, I think that I would actually be willing to throw away everything I have, in exchange of someone who would give me his attention 24/7.


Damn, is age catching up on me? Or is the flu affecting my abilities to think straight?

Day 119

Is it wrong for me to want something that shouldn't even have crossed my mind in the first place?


每个坚强的女人都会有脆弱小女人的一面。

Day 105

Sometimes I'm amazed at how much better this has turned out than I've imagined. Of course, things at work could be much better, but I'm pretty sure it will accelerate from here, with more responsibilities and work to come. That said, I'm still quite sure that, home, would be my final destination. Like I've said a couple of months back, just because I'm less happy, doesn't mean I can't be happy, right?

Other than that, I'm pretty excited about November, as I'll be moving to my new apartment!!! Whee~ There are a lot of things that I have to settle at the moment, a couple of glitches here and there, a BIG commitment to come (at least financially) when I finally have my own place, but as a friend mentioned to me the other day, there's nothing like coming back to your own sanctuary after a long day of work - and I couldn't agree more!

Two friends here are going back home end of this month for good. It's funny how everyone is running away from here, and I came back despite everything. I still find it hard to grasp, how fate intertwines with your life. Barely a year ago, I thought I'd be back for good, taking in everything here as if it's my last time. Now that I'm back here, a lot of things remain the same, but I guess things do feel different when you look at it at another perspective.

I just realized how much I miss autumn and the beautiful colors.

I have plans, but I'm not gonna reveal it here, other than the fact that I don't want to jinx it by saying it out loud. So let's just hope that things will go right as planned. :)

Day 92

A lot of times, I think that I deserve better and that I shouldn't settle for anything less because if I don't treat myself well, who would? Other times, I tell myself that I should be happy and contented with what I have.

But most of the time, I'm just confused and indecisive.

Is it wrong to want more?
But think about how much you already have.
Should I be dissatisfied and disappointed because things don't always go my way?
But think about the times when things did go well, and you're happy.
If problems persist, does it mean that things aren't meant to be?
But you're not perfect, so don't expect others to be.


Sometimes it's really driving me crazy, rocking back and forth between the two extremes. Where is the tipping point? How do I know it?

... maybe I'm just being a selfish coward who's afraid of getting hurt and taking the next step. :(